Mermaid Blonde, Perfect Pants

This is the story of a great sailing ship, MERMAID BLONDE that set off on a great voyage, carrying goods that amounted to riches beyond comparison. May the Ill-Fated Voyage begin! -----Not long at sea, the ship faced her first bout of severe weather. No worries, it was only the First Squall. -----The captain and crew would be subject to many a great trial on their journey, such as the oppressing middle latitudes. Hooray for the Doldrums! -----MERMAID BLONDE came upon a small island, looking to replenish their stores of food and water. On their arrival, however, they spotted a face rendered familiar by many hazy newspaper photographs. It was not hard to recognize the Cyclops! -----On another, more populated island, one member of the crew, a forgettable lad of uncertain ancestry (the cabin boy) got drunk, got in a fight, and was knifed to death. -----The captain of MERMAID BLONDE, a brave man, dared to subject his ears (the only ones not wax filled) to the beautiful songs of the Sirens. He fell in love. Luckily, he had his crew tie him down beforehand, and while this saved all their lives, the Captain could never forget the beauty of the Siren. -----It is every sailors dream to be buried at sea.